In today's world it all about suppressing the healthy expression of deep emotions, in fact some adults remember being punished when they cried as children (children should be seen and not heard) other remember their parents using food or other distractions to stop them crying. Our intrinsic memory encodes the emotional aspects of early experience, these emotional memories may last a lifetime without any recall of an event that originally encoded them. They serve as a kind of blue print/template for how we perceive the world and how we react to later occurrences. The new attachment parenting is great but often in an effort to counteract the harm caused by the harsh cry-it-out method parents may overlook an important function of crying as a whole during waking hours. In our eagerness to persist in soothing and hushing our babies we may be missing opportunities to help them release stress and heal from daily stressors around milestone leaps, new stimuli. Theses are inevitable frustrations that build up and find an outlet in crying spells, providing further fuel for the end-of-the-day "fussy periods."

We bond through gentle, calm listening and observing, honesty and acceptance - Janet Lansbury from her blog - 7 Reasons To Calm Down About Babies Crying

So what can we do? Aletha Solter has some great advice to how to tap in to emotional intellegence. She suggests that you first meet all immediate needs, when they are filled if your baby is still crying even when holding him lovingly in your arms, a helpful response is to continue holding the baby while trying to relax. The success lies in correctly interpreting a baby's cues. Obviously, you don't want to overlook legitimate needs by assuming that the just needs to vent. On the other hand, it is not helpful to assume that all fussiness indicates an immediate need that you can "fix," because you will eventually fail. For some crying there is no immediate remedy, and it is not your fault. Once you begin to view crying in this way, you will learn to read the cues more accurately, to recognize the need for stress-release crying, and to relax when it occurs. In my consultation practice, I have found that this approach helps prevent parents from feeling anxious, angry, guilty, or helpless when their baby cries. A few tips

Knowing that I was extremely fertile I didn't buy this age thing, but month after month of waiting and I started seeing mother nature as this cruel control freak, trying to block my stroller pushing dreams. I now realize she was just being polite: trying her best to give busy women like me some clear warning signs, without insensitively coming right out and saying, "Um, no lady, this is not happening". The doctor actually suggested I go straight to IVF as my eggs were probably "not good" (yes, his exact words!) I wasn't even offered a round of turkey basting. Lucky for us, right before starting the IVF we defied his premonition and fell pregnant, Yippee to me :) So, here I am 26 weeks later. I've reached the advanced members club called "almost third trimester", currently hospitalized for a three week stay to keep this baby from arriving too early! I'm almost afraid to say it, but yep, it's slightly tortuous at 42. I have the perfect, heathy, beautiful baby growing inside me but me as a vessel is not conditioned to hold him without bed rest it seems. My son is this moving ray of sunlight that follows me everywhere saying, "Mum, hang on now, slow down, I'm still growing in here. Despite his violent kicking episodes I imagine him a kind, whimsical, sponge of knowledge, smiley, cuddly little man. Oh yeah, I am totally fine with his perfection I mean I waited long enough for him, he damn well better be this perfect lol. In the big picture of life's blessings, I won the lottery, and I can't complain. Let's face it having a child after 40 is a miracle in itself. Top that with the list of potential complications I have and hope to dodge in this stay. I promise I will be back with more posts and informative articles after this journey, until then. Stay tuned.

Stimuli - Both pre-verbal and verbal children that bite could actually be too stimulated and overwhelmed by activity or surroundings (sounds, light or activity level) On the flip side, a lack of active playtime creates pent up tensions to which a child could offload with a bite.

Over-tiredness - A very common reason that I see a lot when treating families. Make sure that the child is well rested especially around new milestones and cognitive leaps.

Teething - Children that teeth late have a harder time with these emotions. Every experience (including pain) is set in the hard wiring of the intrinsic memory bank. However, teething pains are never recalled. Toddlers have a harder time if they cut the first teeth after 1 years of age for example. If teething is the culprit offer crunchy foods at regular intervals across the day. Research has found that this intervention can actually reduce biting incidents.

Pre-verbal stage - Lack of expressive language skills to convey feelings of anger, frustration or anxiety can result in biting. Biting is a substitute for the lack of ability to use words in challenging situations. Instead of telling another another child that he needs space and another child is standing too close, biting and hitting will be a natural response when his personal space is threatened. Excitement can also be overwhelming for young toddlers. That sudden surge of cortisol that happens can often cloud any logic. Their bodies need to go though cortisol reductions. If this does not occur properly they maintain stress responses. Many parents think that being stressed is that unpleasant mental feeling. However, excitement when responding to happy stimulation naturally produces a stress response, and even this enjoyable stress response produces the same physical changes as an unpleasant experience. The problem is when it becomes an everyday occurrence the body cannot offload and children use biting, pinching, and hitting as their outlet. Another reason Pre-verbal toddlers bite is to get a reaction, cause and affect, like with anything new that they learn. Help your child express his feelings in appropriate ways. If your child is really angry, you can say: John, you are so you are really, really angry. Then suggest a way to deal with these feelings.

Verbal stage - As above, when a child is super excited and wants to share his game with another he may not have the words at that given moment and will bite as a bizarre means of friendly invitation to join the activity. If we look at kittens at play, these little nibbles are foreplay to the rough rumbling that follows.

Solutions in a daycare setting - Make sure that the classroom has more than one of the most popular toys, sharing is one of the most common triggers for biting! The daycare staff should make a point of observing things like - What happened right before the bite? Who the child playing with and who the child bites? For example - Was it always the same child, or different child each time? By observing such interaction staff will be able to intervene if a child might be on the verge of biting and remove him from the situation to reduce the tension, shift attention elsewhere. Or, if the child was playing in a group setting and the child bit to express the need for solitary - sport casting is a great way to help the child that is non-verbal at that given time. Sporcasting example - Jonathan, you can tell Becca: “You are a little too close to me. I don’t like it when you touch my arm when we play.” If you think a child might be biting due to a need for oral stimulation, offer something he can safely bite and chew

First things first. Calm yourself before you respond. In a firm but calm, matter-of-fact voice , say: "I cannot let you bite as biting hurts, he/she is crying because you bit him/her, biting hurts. Short, simple and clear. Give your child a firm “bear” hug when you sense that feeling of stress and out of control and perhaps about to bite. Proprioceptive touch can organize their little bodies and help children feel “held together” which can be very soothing. If your child is easily overwhelmed by lights, sound, and activity eliminate screen time, avoid big crowds and high-activity settings like the mall, playground and most of all play-dates or activities with a lot of sensory input. This is especially relevant at times when your child has had a full day, not rested well or hungry

What to do? Verbally affirm the boundary then shift your attention to the child who was bitten, too much focus on the biter is very reinforcing and can actually cause the biting behavior to continue, rather than stop. When focus is shifted to the child who was bitten, you clearly communicate that biting does not result in more attention. Showing concern and sympathy for the child who was bitten also teaches empathy.

1, 2, 3…The Toddler Years by Irene Van Der Zande. This book